Parent/Teacher Conference

On Friday I attended Tucker's Parent/Teacher Conference. Tucker is only 4 years old, but I have already attended many of these....none of them ever bring good news or warm, fuzzy feelings...the pride that comes with knowing our son "fits in" at school and is learning and progressing as he should. At least now I don't go to the meetings with the hope that I will hear something different...that I will leave the meeting with the knowledge that Tucker somehow "caught up" to other kids, like the doctors said he would....at least now I have the perspective that any improvement is a reason to be cheerful, as there are many kids who never improve...it still hurts, though!! For any of Tucker's therapists or teachers who read this, please don't take any of this as insulting. Giving us honest evaluations of Tucker's progress is a wonderful gift you all give us; each of you gives us many positive things to look at while also giving us the truth. But this was the first teacher's conference of this school year, the first conference in a classroom with 13 kids, half of which are neurotypical. As I've said before, I love the set-up of this class. The teacher and aides gear the class to the typical 4-year-old curriculum, and they put help in place for the kids who can't keep up, like Tucker. This way Tucker is not placed in a room with just kids with special needs; he has the opportunity to interact with typical kids all day, and be exposed to all that other 4-year-olds learn. Obviously, he can't do all this, so he also has the support to learn the things that he can handle. The other kids are still young enough that they don't bully or exclude Tucker, which is a concern we have for the future. For now, he is just another kid in the class, which I love. His teacher opened the conference by talking about how sick Tucker got. The other kids who went home came back in a day or two; Tucker missed 8 days of school. Chris and I knew that this year would be a trial of Tucker's immune system. As a former preemie, Tucker should have spent months sick, and any little bug that we caught, Tucker should have caught it much worse. This has really never happened! It has always perplexed us and his doctors; we just thought maybe since he spent the first winter of his life in the hospital (which would have been when he was most vulnerable to infection) maybe his body was exposed to so many bugs that his immune system figured out how to fight them. Last year Tucker attended preschool with 3-5 kids in the class for 3 hours each day. Tucker goes to many therapies, and other kids run around during his therapy sessions. Tucker also goes to many public places, like the carousel at the mall and Chuck E Cheese. His doctors haven't told us to avoid any of this, and this last illness really threw us all for a loop as Tucker is not sick very often. Well, I would like to think that this sickness was a freak occurence, and not just a sign of things to come. Tucker's teacher asked me what our plan is if every time Tucker gets sick, he misses 2 weeks of school. The truth is, Tucker NEEDS to be at school....he has to work twice as hard and twice as long to accomplish way less than the other kids. Because of this, each day of school he misses keeps him even further behind. As a mom, I know that Tucker and I have tried the "stay at home" approach to school, where the teacher comes to our house once a week. It is not enough! Tucker is developing by leaps and bounds based on just Tucker's baseline...but really he is much slower than the other kids, and having a homebound teacher just wouldn't help that situation at all. So my plan is: Don't get sick! I think that all parents are amazed by what their kids learn at school. As a parent, you are always worried about your kids, and when they come home knowing new things, it makes us proud. Tucker is learning his colors and different routines. His vocabulary is expanding rapidly-if only we could understand him! But when I got the last few class newsletters with the class activities, I knew Tucker was out of his league. The science section talked about inferences and observation, the math section was about counting to 10 and language was about learning letters. So that was the main question I had for Mrs. Amy: How does Tucker even fit in here? She said for times like that, they pull Tucker and 2 other kids out to the side to work on lower level skills that still fit in with the theme and ideas. She said that Tucker probably won't know his ABCs by the end of this school year....but maybe he will recognize a "T" and other meaningful letters, so they work on that. They also do a lot of language work with him, since he wants to talk and be understood so badly, so they are helping him with that. I am very happy with how they accomodate Tucker into the classroom, without letting him run the show!! Tucker gets two tube feedings during the day; these can't be changed around as they are ordered by his pediatrician. The first tube feeding was scheduled during playground time, which meant that Tucker missed out on Outside Time. Well, that didn't work! He cried real tears and fought the feedings the whole time, so the teacher moved playgroud time around for the whole class so that Tucker could be included. They also put Tucker in an empty classroom for rest time. There are 13 kids, and they all rest on their mats for 1 hour and 15 minutes each day. Well 2 of the kids still don't sleep and make noise; the other 10 kids are fine with this and sleep anyway. Tucker does not! He crawls around and even rubs the other kids' hair! So since Rest is SUPER important for Tucker, the teacher and aides take turns each day taking Tucker and his mat to a different classroom so he will have NO distractions. So far it was really working, but then he missed all that school, so we'll see how it goes. Mrs. Amy also said that Tucker is enjoying lunchtime more. At the beginning, Tucker's only requirement at lunch was that he licked everything on his plate at least once. He also had to stay in the cafeteria until one of the grown-ups was finished; then that person would take him to the classroom while the others stayed at lunch. Tucker would help Mrs. Amy set up for journal time until the other kids came back. Mrs. Amy said that now, Tucker doesn't like to leave early. He wants to stay with the other kids. He also used to sit "alone" at reading time and rug time. He had to sit in a chair instead of on the floor because if he could reach any kids, he'd hit them! So now he doesn't like to be alone, so he sits on the rug with Mrs. Amy, who keeps a close eye that he doesn't hit anyone. Mrs. Amy also said that he's making progress with interaction, though not much! Tucker is very much "all about me." I wonder why, haha? Tucker loves older kids, and he is very into babies lately (especially Kate, aka "baby Tate"), but he is not too great with kids his own size or age. This is one of those very autistic characteristics that Tucker meets. Anyways, Mrs. Amy said that lately he will let the kids hold his hands while they walk in line, and he will tolerate the kids being near him! I guess tolerating them is progress, right? Mrs. Amy said that she feels like she pushes Tucker so hard all day long, and he gets very frustrated. She said it's a fine line between pushing him just enough to make him work, and pushing him too hard. By the end of each day, she is "Tuckered out." I told her to keep pushing, and that Tucker has been progressing, so she must be making the right choices. We all wonder this about Tucker-how hard to push, how much is too much, and how far is too far....really no one knows! Today Tucker went back to school for the first time in two weeks. He was SO excited to ride the bus again, I am hoping that he transitions back into the school routine very easily:)