Frustrating

Tucker's rate just keeps going up-it went from 40 to 50 on Saturday, and it went up to 55 today. We were never close to having him home, but we thought we were closer than this! He is four months and two days old. Another baby just turned one year old at the hospital-if we are still there at one year, Lord help us all. And he is getting so cute these days! It is hard to leave him. He woke up for me yesterday for an hour. He is starting to focus his eyes on things-not just letting his eyes roll around. He likes to look at his vent-he stared at it the whole time-apparently, he loves his vent. It has bright flashing colors-much more exciting than looking at mommy It is easier to hold him on the trach-but it's still not easy by any means. Yesterday was the first time I actually took him out of his bed-a nurse did not have to hand him to me. She watched the whole time, though, just in case. She was very nice-I think most of the nurses are too nervous to let a mom pick up a baby with the vent. They'd rather hand him off. Well, not much else-Tucker weighs 8 pounds, 11 ounces, and he is finally out of preemie clothes and into newborn clothes. They moved his calories down from 27 to 24-he is getting too chunky too fast! I am in the process of finding him something to wear for Halloween. Nothing seems cute enough.