Behavior Issues

Tucker started his Neurontin on Saturday. I haven't really seen any changes in him at home, but he did actually swallow some sorbet today at eating therapy....after repeatedly hitting the substitute OT (Mrs. Terri is on vacation) and throwing a few fits. Today was one of those days that I wonder why we even make the 45 minute ride out to therapy. Tucker usually throws a fit in the waiting room if we have to wait longer than 30 seconds. I actually threatened to take him home today without having therapy...that stopped the fit for about 1 minute while he thought about that. He was bossy to the OT, and while she was very patient, it was tough to watch. He was very out of control today; I know he really can't help most of it, but I still wanted to punish him by taking him home! Tucker is in a new "testing" phase, where he is trying to push us as far as he can until he gets in trouble. He's been doing things like cracking an egg into the rug, smashing chips all over the floor, splashing in the toilet, and pouring juice in his toybox. The other day I told him he could pick one bag of chips in the store as a prize for being SO good at the cranialfacial appointment. I assumed he would pick one of the 99 cent bags at his eye level....of course not;) He chose one of the $4 big bags, and all I had was $1. (I didn't want to put the $4 bag on my debit card, plus he doesn't need a big bag every single time.) I told him he had to pick a small one, and that was a nice enough prize. He threw a fit in the aisle, then I finally calmed him down enough to get him to the counter and pay for the small bag. He climbed into the car nicely, but then threw the bag at me as I drove out of the parking lot! We are not quite sure what to make of this new behavior; we all think he is actually developing cognitively, and therefore pushing his limits and testing his environment. It is very frustrating, though! We are working on different discipline tactics, so far time out, taking toys away, and distracting him aren't working. I think that another part of the problem is that Tucker is SO good about 85% of the time. He really is a doll usually, so cute and sweet....but then the 15% of the time that he's more kid-like (haha), it's like he goes from sweet Tucker to crazy Tucker out of nowhere. I always wonder if it's just his way of showing us that he is way too tired, or just that he wants attention. Tucker has a very hard time communicating with us; even though he talks much more than ever, it is very hard for him to get his immediate needs across, especially when he's excited. He is much more likely to hit someone instead of saying "Hi, I want you to play with me" or "I'd like a chip, please." He just hits or pulls on them, even though he knows the words. This starts the whole process of "no hitting," and then him saying "I do-ee" meaning I'm sorry! Then we have to get to the root of the problem, meaning what he was trying to say in the first place. I know that every parent of a toddler faces these issues, but with Tucker, every issue is so much more complicated. First of all, pretty much every new skill he masters makes us happy, whether it's climbing stairs or cracking eggs....he really does amaze us everyday. So once we make a big deal out of something, he wants to do it all the time. He just doesn't understand the appropriate way to do things. For example, he really likes to crack eggs for baking and when I make his blended food each week. So I encourage this so that Tucker can be involved and learn something. But he doesn't understand that going into my grandma's fridge and cracking her eggs is NOT allowed! Another example is that Chris and Tucker love to wrestle. Tucker pretty much attacks Chris every time he is laying down to watch TV on the rug. Well that's cute and no one gets hurt, but Tucker doesn't understand that only his Daddy really wants to play like that. At a birthday party last week, a bunch of kids were sitting around watching one girl play a new video game. Well one of the girls was laying on the carpet, and Tucker repeatedly tried to pounce on her to wrestle. They had to take him out of the room because no matter how they told him that it was not okay, he just couldn't stop himself. So we have to be very careful what we encourage with him...once we say it's okay once, he won't stop! One of the first words Tucker ever said was "truck." He actually carried around a Cabela's magazine for a few weeks with an ad for a Chevy truck. He said "duck" for a few days until we figured out that he was saying truck and actually meant it! We were so, so proud of him, and so after that, anytime he said truck, we would take him outside to play in trucks. Again, Tucker generalized this, and he thought it was okay to play in any truck at any time. This includes strangers or people who would really prefer a 4 year old stay out of their truck! Tucker has run into parking lots before, focused on a truck, totally unaware of the dangers that are in a parking lot. So this led to our "no truck" rule. Tucker can only sit in a truck when he is going somewhere. This rule has been particularly hard to enforce, and it often seems like a mean rule when Tucker is crying real tears to get into a truck....but it is so nice lately that we can be out in public and spend our time at the actual event, not in the parking lot! I think if Tucker "just" had autism (like that's not enough), the behavior therapy might be easier to enforce. But because Tucker has so many medical issues, and he has been through so much, (and will continue to go through more his whole life), Chris and I are way too lenient on him. Even when we decide on certain rules, it's very hard to convince others to back us up, as everyone feels that Tucker has been through enough. I hear quite often, "he's a miracle" and "he's such a blessing," and "but he's so cute!" Well, yes he is! But he still needs limits and rules. Because at the end of the day, Chris and I have to live with him, and we'd rather raise a child, not a little monster. Luckily we have a whole team of professionals helping us to navigate Tucker's behavior issues. Normally, they are as stumped as we are, but at least we are not alone! Please pray for us as Tucker stays home with me this week for the Thanksgiving Holidays...so far, he has cried every day for his grandparents, and they all come running;) I am trying to set some limits and keep them this week, hopefully it works.