Prematurity Awareness Month

I have been a bloghog lately! I just have so much to say lately, I guess. November is Prematurity Awareness Month. I could go on and on about Prematurity and how it affects our lives every day....how it affects so many lives every year. 1 in 8 babies in America are born too soon....1 in 8!! That just astounded me when I learned that....when Chris and I talked to the NICU dr who told us our son was going to be born at 27 weeks, I thought "surely no one has babies that early," but we are no where near alone... Tucker's birth and NICU story is long and complicated...and also miraculous and a testament to the doctors and nurses, family members and friends, and our faith in God... but for now I'll just touch on some of the things that Prematurity took from us...things that still haunt me to this day....things that I will never truly "get over" as moms never "get over" the birth of their child, even decades later.... -13 weeks of pregnancy-13 weeks of doctors' appointments, crazy cravings and symptoms, watching my belly grow and knowing that my little one was safe inside...13 weeks of ultrasounds, maternity clothes, baby shopping, and people asking me "when are you due?" For those 13 weeks, no one outside of the NICU could tell I was a new mom. There were no outward signs that I had a new baby. I stayed inpatient for 5 days after Tucker's birth, and I lost the "baby" weight by the time Tucker was one week old. I enjoyed my baby shower, but by then Tucker was 8 weeks old. There was no guessing how much my baby would weigh or measuring my tummy for any games...not that I would have enjoyed that in the first place! Instead of spending a few hours in labor and a few days in the hospital with a newborn, we spent 4 days in Labor & Delivery and 5 days in the postpartum area. For those 4 days, Chris and I heard babies being delivered all around us, loud crying babies...we knew we weren't going to have that kind of delivery....After Tucker was born, they took him away immediately....we spent 5 more days listening to crying babies with their families all around us, while ours fought for his life somewhere else in the hospital. On that 5th day, we left the hospital without our son. I was wheeled out of the place empty-handed...it was like some cruel joke that I didn't get...We were supposed to be thankful that Tucker was at least alive, that he had the chance to make it and one day be okay, but it was just the most unnatural feeling to leave the hospital and go home to an empty nursery. Chris and I made that same trip over and over during the next 246 days...If we knew at the beginning how long it was going to be, I don't think we could have ever started... The doctors explained that we had at least 13 weeks of the NICU ahead of us....and each day in the NICU can feel like an eternity....that kind of information can make you numb, just make you want to crawl into bed and not come out until your old due date...but you are parents now, and that is not an option. So you watch your child fight a fight they were never supposed to...a fight that too many babies lose...and you feel powerless to touch them, talk to them, or sometimes even look at them, since your voice and the lights often are too much for their little bodies to handle. (Chris and I didn't even hold Tucker for 7 weeks, a subject that could fill up many blog posts.) You throw out the "What to Expect When You're Expecting" books and buy new books....learn new terms, like ROP, PDA, BPD, and celebrate every little success. The doctors tell you that many preemies show no signs of their early births by age 2 or 4, but many other preemies are affected for life...you hope and pray that your baby is one of the lucky ones, one of the strong ones whom no one would ever guess started life like this. Honestly, we are still adjusting to life as parents of a preemie. So many dreams and plans that we had are still being changed and moved around to fit our reality. I hope that sharing Tucker's story makes others aware of Prematurity and its affects, and that one day the statistics look much better for all babies.